Movies for 2/27

It's Friday- no new movies came out today, but we do have a selection of older goodies we picked up today. Read on for our reviews and opinions!

55 Days in Peking:
Who doesn't love a Charlton Heston Film?

Honestly, the back of the box says it much better than I ever could: "Peking, der 20. Juni 1900. Der Geheimbund der Boxer ermordet den deutschen Botschafter und fordert den Abzug aller im Land befindlichen Auslander. Unter der Fuhrung des Botschafters Roberson (David Niven) und des Majors Lewis (Charlton Heston) verschanzen sich einige hundert Europaer im Diplomatenviertel Pekings. In einem nahezu aussichtslosen Verteidigungskrieg versuchen sie der tausendfachen ubermacht der Boxerr bis zum Eintreffen der nahenden Befreiungsarmee zu trotzen." There. Clear as a button.

Rent This: If you understand Dutch, and know what this movie is about.

Don't Rent This: If you speak Dutch, because the film itself is in English. I know, surprise ending, right?

Breathless: A film by Jean-Luc Godard
PROBABLY NOT A PORNO.

I did learn one thing today while trying to find an image version of this dvd cover- don't google image search "Breathless" with Moderate Safe Search turned off. I still have absolutely no idea what Breathless is, though. The cover art doesn't help too much... I guess, all in all, it's a film by Jean-Luc Godard.

Rent This: If you like other films by Jean-Luc Godard. Whoever he is.

Don't Rent This: If you don't like movies with block text as the DVD cover art.

The Broadway Melody:
MEMORY- ALL ALONE IN THE MOONLIGHT

This is the first "talkie", the movie with singing, and talking, and dancing, and Broadway. Besically, if you want to see what Broadway was like back in 1940, this is certainly the film for you. If you have no desire to see that, then rent Midnight Meat Train.

Rent This: If you really loved Wicked, and you want to see where they stole all the material from.

Don't Rent This: If you don't want people to question your heterosexuality.

Days of Heaven:
Richard Gere in Color. And Surround Sound.

It's probably not a good sign that the fact that the film is in color and has a 1.78:1 aspect ratio is what the DVD box art creators decided to make biggest on the back of the box: however, as this is a Criterion Collection film, it's probably good. If you like artsy movies in which Richard Gere "accidentally" kills his supervisor (and to whom has this not happened before?), and then has to run away with his girlfriend. There's an awkward love triangle including Sam Shepherd, so I think it's worth it for that.

Rent This: If you want to see Richard Gere and Sam Shepherd fight over Brooke Adams.

Don't Rent This: If you don't know who Richard Gere, Sam Shepherd, and Brooke Adams are.

Demetri Martin: Person

This might just be my favorite movie of all time. We used to have a copy of this in the store, but I'm not sure what happened to it (I'm pretty sure I lost it...), but I guarantee you'll love Demetri's dry, subtle stand up, overlaid with his own "art" and "music".

Rent This: If you enjoy monotone stand up delivered over soothing guitar picking, and flow charts.

Don't Rent This: If you prefer your standup delivered Dane Cook style.*

Fantastic Planet:
Blue People Eating Humans

So, this movie won the 1973 Cannes Film Festival. Whatever that means- essentially, this Czech guy named Stefan Wul came up with this idea of a planet where these 40 foot tall blue aliens kill humans. And then take them as ets. And then the humans kill the blue people.

Rent This: If you like European psychedelic sci-fi animation.

Don't Rent This: If you don't like any of those aforementioned things. Because that'd be silly.

Flashdance:
Legwarmers.

So you haven't seen Flashdance?!?!? You know that thing you've always seen with the water and the girl leaning back in a chair and the water pouring over her and such... Yeah, that's Flashdance. I hope you enjoyed it.

Rent This: If you've never seen Flashdance. Shame on you.

Don't Rent This: If you did see Flashdance in the eighties. Nothing's changed. It's still the same.

The Furies:
You Know This is a Classy Act- The Movie Comes with a Book

Yeah, so this movie comes with the film, by Anthony Mann, and a novel by Niven Busch, called The Furies. It's set in the 1870s, and has a whole pile of daddy issues, land ownership issues, and wedding issues. This is a movie about issues. Also by the Criterion Collection.

Rent This: If you like books made into movies which come with the book.

Don't Rent This: If you like to watch movies so you don't have to read.

Metropolitan:
Is Stephen Colbert in this?

Seriously, I think Stephen Colbert is in this movie. Look at the cover. He's front and center. This was before he was all famous though- it's just him and some wenches sitting on a sofa near a lamp. Drawn in pencil. Cause that's how the C-Man rolls.

Rent This: If you like anything else the Criterion Collection has released.

Don't Rent This: If you have no idea what the Criterion Collection is.

My Super Sweet 16:
Holy Shit, you get two whole seasons of this.

We mean it. You rent this TV show, you get two tantalizing seasons of my super sweet 16. You get to go on a wild ride behind the scenes for all the "drama, surprises, and over-the-top, under the bra fun as teens prepare for their most important cuming-of-age celebrations". This is essentially a watered down version of Bromance, just without the gay sexual overtones.

Rent This: If you really, really care how Chloe's big B-Day bash went! I mean, if you can't go another day without seeing her whine about how none of her friends appreciate how difficult it is to be white and privleged.

Don't Rent This: If you want to be able to carry on a normal conversation with any of your friends or loved ones.

Porco Rosso:
Another Miyazaki Film about Animals

Okay. We've all seen Princess Monanoke and Spirited Away. We've fallen in love with Miyazaki's characters again and again. There's really nothing too much different going on here with this one: there's a dude who's face was turned into a pig face, and he is in love a girl named Gina and there's another pilot (did we mention he's a pilot) who is also in love with her and there's aerial battles and.... who cares? It's Miyazaki. You'll either watch it because it's a Miyazaki film, or you won't because you don't know who he is.

Plus, the pig smokes. Which is cool, I guess. Charlie seems to think it is. Enough to force me to type it into this blog post.

Rent This: You know who you are. You'll rent a piece of crap if it kinda looked like an animal Miyazaki had animated.

Don't Rent This: Until you've seen the good Miyazaki films.

Requiem for A Dream:
Drugs.

This is a movie about drug use. It's artistic and shit. If you haven't seen this movie, but you liked Donnie Darko because it was "deep", you'll like this movie. Because it's "deep".

Rent This: If you like "deep" movies about fight clubs and stealing diamonds and rabbits from the future.

Don't Rent This: If you enjoy a peaceful, dreamless sleep at night.

This American Life: Season 2:
The Radio on the TV

I recently started to listening to the podcast version of the radio version of This American Life, and let me tell you, it is good. Having never seen the first season of This American Life, nor the second, I still feel confident saying this is one of the best television shows ever made.

Rent This: If you like America. Or Life.

Don't Rent This: If heartwarming stories bring you down.

So those are the new movies of the day. You're welcome to come and check any of them out!

________________________
*Poorly.

New Blog, New Movies

Hi everyone- this is our new After Hours Movie Blog. This will be the place to find out our new stock, our musings on Evanston and video renting in general. Today (2/25/2009) we've got new movies: we haven't gotten a chance to see any of them yet, so these are only speculations: but we'll have reviews up once we have seen them!

Futurama: Into the Wild Green Yonder:
How to Bilk Your Audience Out of As Much Money As Possible

This is the newest installment in Futurama's quest into fanbaiting. Seriously, why don't they just make a new TV series again? They've got the fanbase for it... But if you're dying for new Futurama material, this is the most epic FUTURAMA ever, according to the back of the box. Come in and find out for yourself.

Rent This: If you like comedies about cryogenically frozen pizza-delivery boys.

Don't Rent This: If you didn't like any of the previous Futurama stock. This is extremely unlikely to change your mind.

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People:
Or Why Simon Pegg Should Stick to making movies with Nick Frost and Edgar Wright

Okay, so we haven't watched this movie yet, but you know it can't be good when both Simon Pegg and the director completely disowned it before it even hit theatres. Rent this if you want to see why, I suppose: or if you want a lesson in how poor editing can ruin a film. At least it's better than whatever shit Dane Cook is filming.

Rent This: If you want to see what this great cast has to offer

Don't Rent This: If you don't want to take a risk on this possibly sucking.

PS: It's rated R and has Megan Fox, so who knows what you might see in this film!

I served the King of England:
Sex, Comedy, and Czech Film Awards

Well, this is another film we haven't seen yet- the good news is that Joe Morgenstern over at the Wall Street Journal thinks it's a comic, erotic, and perfectly wonderful film. The bad news is that I can't pronounce any of the cast or crew's names. Foreign films are kinda a crapshoot, but this one we've heard nothing but good things!

Rent This: If you want to see how a film can be both erotic and funny.

Don't Rent This: If you don't want to take a chance on the Czech entry to the Academy Awards.


The Midnight Meat Train:
Possibly The Best Title of A Non-Porn Film

Let me tell you, I'm definitely the first person to jump on any Clive Barker experience- mostly for the monotony, and the remarkable unoriginality associated with anything this guy's name is stuck onto. However, this movie was apparently so racey that the studio decided to completely bury it, and only released it to two-dollar movie theatres. And now, you can rent it for less than two dollars from us!

Rent This: If you want something you can be scared about and make gay innuendo about.

Don't Rent This: If you don't want to get on the midnight meat train. If you do want to get on the midnight meat train and ride it all night long, call (847) 733-0923.


Sexdrive Unrated and Cream-filled:
Seth Green's Slow Decline Into Dane Cook Territory

From all accounts, this is actually a fairly good teen-sex comedy, compared to things like Better Off Dead and the like. On the other hand, it's only known actor is one Seth Green, who we think got his character by doing a method study of Avi Klein. This DVD comes with a warning- that it is Ruder. Cruder, and yes- Nuder (which we're not entirely convinced is actually a word). However, with a sex-bomb like Amanda Crew, we're definitely looking forward to seeing her a little bit "nuder".

Rent This: If you want to be tantalized by the possiblity of seing Amanda's crew.

Don't Rent This: If you didn't wet yourself laughing at Not Another Teen Movie. You will not be impressed.

What Just Happened:
To Robert DeNiro's Career?

Sean Penn played himself in this film, which strangely enough, he did worse at than playing Harvey Milk in his Academy Award winning performance. Deniro plays veteran Hollywood producer Art Linson in what Gene Shalit of NBC Today considers one of his favorite movies of the year. And everyone knows that Gene Shalit moustache knows what it's talking about.

Rent This: If you want to see Sean Penn struggle to play Sean Penn.

Don't Rent This: If self-referential meta-film has no interest to you.

So those are our new releases for the week: we just popped in Futurama, so with any luck, we'll have a review up of it soon!

-Charlie and Jack

Gene Shalit's Moustache

Is a little ridiculous. Amirite?














See if you can tell which one is Gene Shalit, and which is Wario.















Here's a picture of Gene Shalit prepping for his upcoming appearance in the new Ron Jeremy biopic: Where the Wild Hair Grows



I'm sorry, but is this actually a review? I mean, really?!? Reasons I'm going to see The Mighty New Film, THE MUMMY:

1. To See the Ineffable, Unflappable Adventurer in China, Brendan Fraiser

2. To see the dragon emporer, in his chariot, drawn by Flaming Eyed Terra-Cota Horses,

3. Because where else am I going to see the three headed, giant, 1izard-y flying dragon

4. In order to behold the giant yeti

5. I really need to see a cast that looks like... THOUSANDS

6. There is really only three things I love: Adventure. Betrayal. HEROISM!

7. Who wouldn't see a film with wonders for kiddies, for daddies, and for mummies!!!

Their sister company, Universal Studies must be hitting themselves over the heads.